I recently moved back to my hometown after living across the country for almost four years. I was always such an adventurer and truly thought I'd live in many different cities and maybe even countries before I even thought about moving home. I knew coming back would feel weird, but then got here and I had a few days that were much stranger than I'd even anticipated.
Our decision to move home stemmed from wanting to be close to family. The distance between coasts felt greater and greater the older everyone got and I couldn't stomach the idea of choosing to live far from family when I knew time is limited and life is short. We felt great about that decision, and still do. Once that decision was made, we allowed ourselves to process the pros and cons of living far; what it's taught us, and what our souls and nervous systems had been needing for a long time.
"The distance between coasts felt greater and greater the older everyone got and I couldn't stomach the idea of choosing to live far from family when I knew time is limited and life is short."
My (now) husband and I moved while we were dating. In San Diego, we developed our relationship, navigated jobs, apartments, friendships, faith, engagement/wedding planning, and ultimately starting a marriage thousands of miles away from a true support system. We were surrounded by beautiful people, but married life hit us pretty fast and in hindsight, we learned quickly how crucial family and the safety that comes with it can be.
A lot of tough life things happened in the last few years. I kept fighting for San Diego, because I couldn't bear the thought of moving back home at twenty-six. I knew with the way I missed family that once I came back I probably wouldn't want to leave again. I remember telling people that I had to give it more time or move somewhere else for awhile before we went back. I was so scared of feeling like I'd failed or settled. A younger version of me used to dream about the cities I would live in and preach how life was too long to stay in the same place.
"A younger version of me used to dream about the cities I would live in and preach how life was too long to stay in the same place."
I agree to a point still and regardless, I love the adventurous spirit my younger self had. I would encourage anyone to move away. In my time away, I was allowed to grow and be whoever I wanted to be outside of the influence of a city I'd grown up in or opinions of people who knew me in different seasons of life. I was allowed to ask questions and make decisions for myself. I was allowed to try new things. I experienced getting jobs and making friends simply because of who I was and not who I knew and while it might seem small, it was huge to me. I overcame so much, saw so many beautiful scenes, and most importantly met so many beautiful people.
"In my time away, I was allowed to grow and be whoever I wanted to be outside of the influence of a city I'd grown up in or opinions of people who knew me in different seasons of life."
I remember talking to a friend about a year before we decided to move. She was also struggling with wanting to move to be closer to her family. I remember lamenting how scared I was of regretting a move or feeling like I was taking the easy way out. But then I remember having a revelation: sometimes it's okay to choose the safe thing.
We are constantly bombarded with how we need to push ourselves and get out of our comfort zones. Of course, both of those things are important. Getting out of my comfort zone is how I've grown countless times, including moving in the first place. I will be the first person to tell EVERYONE to put themselves out there, take a chance, and follow their dreams. But after a final year in a city that stopped feeling like home, where both my husband and I just felt like we were forcing our "love" for it, as beautiful of a city as it was, we realized that our minds, nervous system, and relationship were craving peace and safety.
"But after a final year in a city that stopped feeling like home, where both my husband and I just felt like we were forcing our "love" for it, as beautiful of a city as it was, we realized that our minds, nervous system, and relationship were craving peace and safety."
When we made the decision, we were allowed to realize how much we'd been in survival mode. We were so focused on trying to make something work, to push ourselves, and to get out of our comfort zones, that we had completely depleted our nervous systems. As a result, I hit some pretty low lows that raised the alarm for both of us that a season of safety was needed.
This isn't a sob story, it's a reminder, that in a world that's constantly telling you that you need to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone, sometimes it's okay to choose the safe thing. If your mental state and nervous system are screaming at you and it's not feeling sustainable, there is no shame in taking a break, getting to safety, reprioritizing your dreams, switching careers, or anything else. It doesn't mean you'll stay in safety and comfort forever, but when your mind is asking for it, it is okay to listen.
"This isn't a sob story, it's a reminder, that in a world that's constantly telling you that you need to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone, sometimes it's okay to choose the safe thing."
We have been home for a little over a month and I still feel sort of weird about it. I have my moments of wrestling with it, but I have no doubts we did the right thing. Even though it feels odd to be such a different person in a familiar place, we have felt peace that we hadn't in the year previous. We've been able to take a much needed breath, to recharge, and to reprioritize.
Just because life may pan out differently than you expected and your heart pulls you in a direction you wouldn't have imagined just a few years prior, it's okay. It's okay to choose the safe thing and it's okay to follow the path that brings you peace. Life is long and life is short and hopefully we have a whole lifetime to figure it all out.
"It's okay to choose the safe thing and it's okay to follow the path that brings you peace."
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